Something we all long for at some point, and these days there is a serious lack of. Encouragement comes in many forms: most of the time it is verbal, but a hand on the back, an exuberant hug or a finger point exchange between teammates are all good examples. It can stoke feelings of inspiration, acceptance and love; it motivates us to push harder, climb higher and stretch further than we initially might have thought possible.

The best encouragement depends on the status that we give the person who is bestowing the blessings on us. As a young child, particularly as a little boy, this was usually from male adults in my life - certainly my dad; but the "holy grail" as it were would be receiving praise from either of my grandfathers. Both men were stern and firm; there was no easily pleasing either of them and both could be intimidating. They would not give out praise lightly, however, if you truly did something out of the ordinary, both would would be generous in their approval. One would erupt in an exuberant outburst (miss you Grandad), while the other would quietly give a nod and whisper a short word in my ear (miss you too Grandpa). Different styles for sure, but both would have an equally profound effect on an impressionable young boy.

Looking back now, I certainly appreciate that "old school" style of encouragement they both bestowed:

1. They both needed to be men of excellence and great character to garner the admiration of young Joel.
2. They both set a high standard (see the Standards blog for more) for carrying oneself for their children (and grandchildren).
3. Simply meeting the standard would not garner praise, but an exhortation to go a little further in a given pursuit.
4. Praise was reserved and rare to attain.
5. Once an extraordinary moment was achieved or a higher standard reached, encouragement was delivered that was both proportional and well evident to the receiver of that encouragement.

Often these days - particularly with the younger "influencer" crowd - I find there is an underlying issue of insecurity. These people who are not humble (see last week's post) are often desperately craving recognition; sometimes stemming from a lifetime/childhood imbalance of encouragement (either too little or too much). Like little children (I'm hearing my kids words "Daddy, look at me!") the person tries to garner as much attention (measured in "likes", "shares" or "views") as possible. Those who are over or under recognised develop an inner craving for the attention, and in those prone to be insecure there is a constant requirement for validation. Sadly in my job I do see this - particularly in foster children who haven't had great stability or that encouraging word from a respected care-giver (not to take anything away from some of the amazing foster parents/carers out there).

Encouragement, particularly as a young person, or even an older person starting out on a new endeavour (thank you to all who have encouraged me with this blog!) is critical to motivate newcomers to stay the path and push forward through the inevitable opposition/failures. Lack of encouragement (as we are seeing in today's society) leads to instant gratification seeking rather than long term goals; multiple aborted projects and quitting rather than perseverance and achieving great things.

There is a way to remedy this, particularly for the next generation. Kids need encouragement, and they need it from people they respect. Little children can get this from most adults, while older ones will need to attribute some level of status to the praise-giver. Think about the children in your own life (particularly if they respect you as the "cool-aunty" or "fun teacher" etc.) and how you could deliberately give genuine praise; not so that they get a big head and become arrogant - but so that they can feel noticed, valued and appreciated. Children who don't have healthy access to this kind of encouragement develop into adults who don't interpret words of flattery (the false version of encouragement) wisely and are deceived into going places they don't want to go, with people that don't have their best intentions at heart.

Encourage the children.

"Train children in the way they should go; when they grow old, they won’t depart from it." Prov 22 v 6