A virtue that is sorely missing nowadays!

A brief scroll through a Facebook/Instagram/insert social media here will quickly demonstrate the point, with so many people wanting to tell others how amazing they are. Many will also want to educate, often without the backing of study or lived experience (I realise I'm risking being a bit hypocritical writing my own blog, but I have lived a bit!)

Firstly we should define the humility we are speaking of here. Humility is not thinking little of yourself, putting yourself down or thinking of other people as superior to you. It is a quiet confidence, a person often with great ability, but will allow others to do their selling for them, to let their actions speak louder than their words. Ultimately, a person with a realistic view of themselves; being confident, but knowing their limits and when to ask for advice/help.

This version of humility was definitely a key as a junior doctor (it still is now, though not tested quite so often) and a number of my colleagues in the early days had to learn this lesson the hard way. While we had the title of "doctor"; the nurse with 20 years, the pharmacist and the ward clerk had a lot more knowledge and experience than we did. If you came across as arrogant or cocky, you would be quickly put back in your place!

I personally found I could quickly become undone with the relatively basic skill of putting a cannula/drip into a vein for a patient. Multiple times I have had days where successfully putting in a very difficult cannula led to an over-inflated opinion of my skills. I would then, almost without fail be quickly humbled when I missed for the next patient who had very obvious veins! Nowadays when I place such a cannula, rather than fall for the Hubris (particularly when the patient or another colleague verbalises how impressed they are) I simply reply "You are only ever as good as your last cannula."

For most, humility is easy when in a new environment, but much harder when in a place of experience. When someone seems to be new to a situation where we may have significant experience and suggests different methods to try to achieve the outcomes required we can often get offended (like the 20 year nurse). Less commonly, it can also work the other way around where the new person, fresh out of university with shiny degrees and multiple letters behind their name has no desire or time to listen the to wise counsel on offer. How do we achieve the desired goal without destroying egos (or worse) in the process?

As always a compromise of balance is needed. This will require listening to other parties and putting aside pride and ego. I recall reading "How to Win Friends and Influence People", a classic by Dale Carnegie. This has multiple words of advice that fit into this kind of scenario but the one that stuck with me is: "Every man (or woman) I meet is my superior in some way. In that, I learn of him (or her)". When I am conscious of this thought, I like to take this further and suggest that "the person in front of me has expertise that I don't, it is then my responsibility to bring that out in conversation so that I might learn it too". If we take into these discussions/confrontations of ego a sense of "my right to get my opinion heard" we risk undervaluing and demeaning other people; but we also shut ourselves off from learning, growing and bettering our own understanding. Rather than going in with a sense of "my right," change this to "my responsibility," the responsibility being to learn from each other, pool the collective ideas and experience and then take the best path forward.

"Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgement," Rom 12 v 3

"Do not exalt yourself in the king’s presence, and do not claim a place among his great men; it is better for him to say to you, “Come up here,” than for him to humiliate you before his nobles." Prov 25 v 6 - 7